Monday, December 16, 2013

Best Hilbert Math Joke Ever!



Who keeps leaving his martingale collar in Hilbert’s space?



http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00H6UF1QA


Norbert the wiener dog!

(note for those who know stochastic processes, but not dog training: a martingale collar is a dog collar that is a cross between a regular canvas or leather collar and a choke chain collar) 

And for more laughs read our novel  How (Not) to Kiss Your Dog!

Friday, December 13, 2013

Free, Free! Hilbert Joke Book Dozens of Funny Hilbert Jokes

Hilbert's Funny Day is free for the Amazon Kindle on December 14, 2013. http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00H6UF1QA

 It contains 23 really funny Hilbert jokes (in honor of his namesake's 23 problems) and one dud.  The dud?  31 OCT = 25 DEC.  I thought it was hilarious, but my proof readers and reviewers overwhelmingly gave it a thumbs down.  Scroll down if you haven't seen it, yet.  Or better still, download the book. 

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00H6UF1QA
 


It will work with other versions of Kindle, but since it's illustrated with color photos of Hilbert, the Fire is best.

And while you are out on Amazon, take a look at How (Not) to Kiss Your Dog!

Let me know what you think of the jokes.  Don't like 31 OCT = 25 DEC?  Then recommend a better one!

Monday, November 11, 2013

Hilbert Holiday Joke

A special rat terrier holiday treat!  Another Hilbert Math joke / Hilbert Holiday joke!

Why does Hilbert celebrate Halloween and Christmas at the same time?

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0083YGS4C
 
 
Because 31 Oct = 25 Dec!
 

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Trick or Treat Rat Terrier style

And when I say "style" I mean Mini had the most style of everyone this Halloween.  She showed off several different costumes:

Her simple bat collar, her elaborate fairy princess, her scary skeleton and her Batrat wings!

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0083YGS4Chttp://www.amazon.com/dp/B0083YGS4C

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0083YGS4Chttp://www.amazon.com/dp/B0083YGS4C



This rat terrier has style!  Happy Halloween, Miss Mini!  Some dogs in funny costumes look silly, but when Miss Mini dresses up, everybody is smilin' at her stylin'.

And enjoy our book.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

A Hilbert Halloween Math Joke

More Hilbert jokes!  This time it's a math joke just in time for Halloween:

What did Hilbert get when he divided the circumference of his Jack-o-lantern by its diameter?




Pumpkin Pi!

 
Also in time for Halloween, Hilbert's Zombie Day is free on Oct. 31.  

Monday, October 21, 2013

Even more Hilbert jokes!

What did Hilbert say to the geometric patterns?


Here's lookin' at Euclid!
 
 

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Hilbert Joke

This Hilbert joke is for all my physics loving, surfer friends.

Why did Hilbert go to the beach?


He wanted to study the wave functions! (and you thought he was there to see gulls, hee, hee, hee)

Friday, October 11, 2013

Hilbert Joke

Here is another Hilbert joke.  Buy my novel AND I will publish more!  Buy my novel OR I will publish more*!

Check Amazon each Wednesday for a FREE Hilbert book for the Kindle.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

How (Not) to Play Frisbee Golf

I loaded the rat dogs into the convertible Saturday and went over to the dog park.  There weren't any other dogs around, so we crossed the driveway to the Frisbee golf course.  Unfortunately, Miss Mini forgot to let go of hers!  Rat terriers aren't very good at this game.



Once we finished the first few "holes" some other dogs had shown up, so there we got in some good butt sniffing, too!

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Hilbert's Place (Not to be confused with Hilbert Space)

Hilbert's Happy Day - bilingual edition - is currently the number one best selling book on Amazon!


Ok, so he's only number one in non-Euclidian geometry, but WOW, my Hilbert is outselling David Hilbert.  Of course, why anyone would pay $2.99 for a Kindle version of Hilbert's Foundations of Geometry when it's available in pdf on Gutenberg is an interesting question.

Of course, why anyone would pay 99 cents for Hilbert's Happy Day when it's available for free at least one Wednesday a month is another interesting question.  Two down, 21 more to go!

 

Sunday, September 15, 2013

That crazy old lady with the rat terries


I was walking the dogs this morning.  It is cicada season and the storm last night knocked several from the trees and down onto the ground. 

Shoebert loves cicadas.  Every walk is like an Easter egg hunt this time of year.  Cicadas live most of their lives underground – seven years or more!  When they finally craw to the surface they have developed a shell covering a winged body.  They then hatch out of these shells, unroll their wings and mate.   Then they die.

Once the cicada is dead, it starts to give off an odor that Shoebert can smell from several feet away.  The fresh or dying ones, however, he often doesn’t notice, even when he walks right past one on the sidewalk.  Today there were several fresh cicadas on the sidewalk.

We were only a few houses down when he went right past a cicada that was lying on the edge of the sidewalk.  I stopped, tapped my foot next to it and said to Shoebert, “here’s one!”  He turned around, put his nose to the ground and started searching.  Depending on where he was I would say “you’re getting colder.  Warmer.  Warmer. Hot.”  The closer he got to the cicada the more excitement I put in my voice.  Finally, I was nearly yelling, “Hot.  Very HOT.  SPONTANIOUS CONBUSTION.  YOU GOT IT!”

I looked up to see a neighbor across the road who was loading lumber into his pickup.  He was standing still, his mouth slightly opened staring at me.  I smiled sheepishly and gave him a weak way from my wrist.  He closed his mouth and raised his eyebrows while nodding.  Then he quickly went back to loading the truck.

On the way back home at the end of the walk the neighbor was returning.  This time I gave him a full wave.  He smiled and waved back.  He may think I’m crazy, but harmless.  Just like Shoebert.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

McLean County Fair!

The fair is coming!  July 31-Aug. 4 is the McLean County Fair.  Friday is the day of most of the dog contests for the 4-H kids and dogs.  To celebrate the great dogs and their kids, we are running a special on How (Not) to Kiss Your Dog.  It will be available for download in Kindle format for only 99 cents!  So, mark your calendars.  This offer is good only during the fair. 

So, if you are local, maybe I'll see you at the fair!

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Happy 4th of July!

We're celebrating the holiday by giving away Kindle versions of How (Not) to Kiss Your Dog this weekend.  Act fast, this is a limited time offer.

Mini and I will be bringing the party to our friends today.  Here she is in her patriotic t-shirt.

Have a safe and happy holiday.  Since Mini can still be very skittish, I don't take her out to the fireworks, but she will still have a great time today.

As always, keep checking on Wednesdays for your free Hilbert book.

Monday, June 24, 2013

Tijuana sewer rat passed off as a Dog!

I was visiting a friend in San Diego.  His name is Thor.  I went to see if there any truth to the rumor that Thor is actually a Tijuana sewer rat pumped up on steroids.  

While he appears to be almost as large as Miss Mini, if you were to shave him he would look just like a long legged Tijuana sewer rat.  Thor is so light-weight that he gets tied to the sunflower stalk to keep him from running into the street.  Yep, that’s a tiny dog.  However, nominative determination has kicked in.  When strangers approach he welds his mighty hammer – figuratively – with his high pitched shrilly bark (or rodent squeal?), which is guaranteed to drive all evil doers away. 

Click here, then decide: Dog or Rat?

Friday, May 31, 2013

Another silly video and a really cute picture of Mini

Here is another Vine video of Shoebert, the wild tongued terrier.  The tongue in How (Not) to Kiss Your Dog is based on his.

 
 
And so Miss Mini won't feel left out, here is a cute photo of her.
 
 
 
 

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Video!

I joined a social network called Vine.  It allows you to make really short films and post them in infinite loops.  If you join Vine look for the hash tag #TheRatDogPack or #DogsterDogMom

Here is one of Mini-bert at the nursing home and another of Shoebert.







Tuesday, May 14, 2013

More funky cute dog pictures

Here are some more pictures from pho.to lab.

Hilbert as a globe.

Hilbert, appropriatly as a fractal.

Check out Amazon on Wednesday for a FREE Kindle Hilbert Happy Day book!

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Psycyfunky Doggie Photos - Mini the terrier

I have yet another new photo app.  It's called pho.to lab.  One thing it can do is take a photo and turn it into a kaleidoscope like image.  Look closely at the photos below and see how long it takes to find Mini's face.
 


 
 
 
Which is your favorite?  I like the one in the middle best.  Tie-dye tripping, puppy dog style!

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Happy Anniversary Mini! Free Book to Celebrate!

Mini has been with us for a year now.  The carpets are a loss, but otherwise it's been a great year!

To Celebrate, I'm giving away How (Not) to Kiss Your Dog.  This is the hilarious story of a family that adopts a wild tongued terrier.  FREE on FRIDAY MAY 3 ONLY.

So now, LET'S PARTY!!!!!

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Two of Miss Mini's dear friends at the nursing home passed away last week.  It takes very special people to work at a nursing home where the residents become like family over time.  I'm only there for a couple of hours on the weekend and it is still emotionally difficult for me at times.

If there is any one thing that is keeping my little coprophasic, carpet peeing, barking little girl from going back to Paradise, it's the happiness she brings to others!

This is Mini with Delores at the Easter party this year:

 


Here is Joan, another friend who passed away the same day as Dee:



How (Not) to Kiss Your Dog has several stories based on Albert's visits to the same nursing home.  Mini-bert is helping me to write more for the sequel.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Another Joke!

More Hilbert jokes!  And with the theme of the latest joke, the book for Hilbert's Happy Wednesday (April 24) is Hilbert's Zombie Day.


Sunday, April 14, 2013

Hilbert Joke

This Wednesday's Free Kindle book is Hilbert's Playful Day.

Here is the week's Hilbert Joke:



Let us know if you think it's funny!

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Hilbert's Funny Day - Dog Jokes

I'm putting together photo illustrations of Hilbert combined with jokes.  I'm going to post one each week and put the best ones together into a Kindle book.

Here is the first one.  Please, let me know what you think.

Also, this week's Hilbert's Happy Wednesday FREE Kindle book is Hilbert's Playful Day!   



Well?  What do you think?

Friday, March 15, 2013

New Hilbert Book

In memory of Hilbert, I have a new book out, Hilbert's Zombie Day.

It is free March 15-17!  In this heart warming, brain eating story, our little rat terrier finds that his friends are changing.  He is scared at first, but then he learns that while our friends will change over time, true friendship lasts forever.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

One Year Ago Today

Today (March 13) is the first aniversary of the day that Hilbert died.  My heart is still heavy and it still makes me sad to think about coming home and finding him dead in the back yard.  He had been very ill, so I knew the end was coming soon.

I used my FidoFoto app to make a few fun pictures of Hilbert.  They help to cheer me up.


Here he is in a somber Angel picture. 
 
Here he is in a more whimsical one.  This photo was taken in the vet's office when he was already showing the effects of his illness.
 
 
 

Friday, February 15, 2013

Cute Photos

I just downloaded a very nice app for the iPhone and iPad.  It's called FidoFoto and the basic package is free!  It allows you to add a little spice to your doggie photos.  Here are a few of Hilbert, Shoebert and Mini-Bert.

 Hilbert in formal attire,
 Mini-Bert dressed as the clown that she is,
 Hilbert as a pirate,
Mini-Bert and Shoebert ready to get down and party!

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Groundhogs' day - Discounted Kindle Book!

The Normal Groundhogs did not see their shadows today, so the pack is celebrating by lowering the price of How (Not) to Kiss Your Dog to only $.99.  Save $2.00!  This is for a limited time, however, so download it now.

Today is the day at all terriers look forward to - Goundhogs' Day.  This tradition started in Germany a very long time ago and was brought to the USA.  On February 2, the groundhog comes out of his winter slumber.  If he sees his shadow, he goes back into his den for another six weeks of winter.  If he doesn't see his shadow, spring is just around the corner.

If you have a pack of Rat Terriers, you never have to worry; the groundhogs just stay inside rather than mess with the pack. 

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Q: What’s worse than a coprophagic dog?


Q: What’s worse than a coprophagic dog?

A: A coprophagic dog that burps in your face! 

Thank you, Miss Mini.

Q: What’s worse than a coprophagic dog that burps in your face?

A: A coprophagic dog that burps in your face and then uses her tongue to give you a big wet kiss on the mouth!

Thank you, Miss Mini.
 
FREE BOOK FREE BOOK FREE BOOK FREE BOOK FREE BOOK FREE BOOK
Don’t forget – January 23 is Hilbert’s Happy Wednesday!  Hilbert’s new book, Hilbert’sStory Tail Day is free for Kindle!

In this book Hilbert, the rat terrier, decides to try different tails, because he doesn’t like his little short stubby one.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

New Rat Terrier Kindle book

There is a new Hilbert book available on Kindle!  It's Hilbert's Story Tail Day.



It will be free next Wednesday, January 23.  Remember, every Wednesday is Hilbert's Happy Wednesday on Kindle!

Friday, January 11, 2013

Hilbert Space


In the previous post I told the story of Hilbert and the beer infused slugs. Legend has it that David Hilbert, the greatest mathematician of his time, once said (in German, of course), “Points, lines and planes should be able to be replaced with tables, chairs and beer mugs.” Make that beer mugs full of kibble, please.

Here is a picture of Hilbert space, or is it Hilbert in space?  Or is it just a picture of an astronaut I took from NASA and pasted Hilbert's face on?
For better Hilbert pictures, don't forget that Hilbert’s Happy Day is free on Wednesdays!

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Why did the terrier cross the yard?


Last year at this time I was nursing Hilbert as he got sicker from liver failure.  I'd like to share some (in retrospect) fun times.
 
Mankind may never know why the chicken crossed the road, but I learned why Hilbert crossed the yard.

I grew hostas in the shady area near the hedge in the backyard. In the spring, they would be attacked by snails and slugs. One environmentally friendly way that I dealt with these pests was to place bowls of beer in the area. The pests crawled in, but didn’t come out. I assumed that they died happy or at least felt no pain.

One spring day after Hilbert came to live with us, I opened the backdoor and Hilbert ran straight to the back corner of the yard. From where I stood, he was hidden from view behind the bushes.

“Here, Hilbert,” I called. “Time to come in.”

Nothing. No dog, no movement.

“Here, boy”

Still nothing.

I put on my shoes and walked over to where I had last seen Hilbert headed.

There he was drinking/eating the snail/slug infused beer. Lap, lap, lap, crunch. Lap, lap, lap, crunch.

I grabbed him under his belly and carried him inside. I called the vet to see if I needed to bring him in for treatment.

“Uh, my dog was drinking beer. Is that okay?” I explained the situation.

After being scolded for letting him near the beer and being sternly warned to keep him from driving until he was completely sober, it was determined that Hilbert had not had enough to drink to harm him.  And the slugs were probably a good source of protein.

After this happened, I ordered the beer slug traps with the snap on lids that let the snails and slugs in and keep the dogs out.  They worked well and both the hostas and the dogs have done well since!